Human Design Variables - a Case Study

Part 2

In my last post, I dove into the nitty-gritty about Variables in Human Design and how to find yours. Variables are multi-faceted (having Color and Tone) and function as part of a larger whole (within Profile Lines and Gates, etc.). Once we feel confident in using our Strategy and Authority, we can start to look at our correct diet and environment to bring us to the people and places that are the right catalysts to fulfill our purpose. From there, we can task the Not-Self mind with recognizing when we are transferring out of our correct Perspective and Motivation. On the de-conditioning road, it helps to give the mind a role so it is less preoccupied with the loss of, and attempting to reassert, it’s authority to make decisions in our life.

When I first learned learned that my Motivation was “Guilt - Conditioned,” I was thoroughly confused. I thought we were trying to unburden ourselves from conditioning in Human Design, not be fundamentally driven by it…! Color operates in a binary: the Variable and its transference (always 3 Colors away, so the 5 transferring to the 2 in my case). We default to transference, so it is something we’re likely to be familiar with. It helps us to understand our correct Motivation by coming to understand its opposite. Guilt transfers to Hope. In my Not Self, I’m not confronting things as they are, I’m shutting my eyes, crossing my fingers and hoping it’ll all be better when I open them again. If Hope (2nd Color) were my actual Motivation, it would be correct for me to drop all feelings of responsibility and keep the faith that it’ll all be okay. But as a Guilt (5th Color), endlessly pining for change is a toxic place for me to dwell.

I’m intentionally speaking in terms of feeling states because when you have a Right-fixed (Tone 4-6) Color here, the word “Motivation” is quite misleading. In fact, for both Right and Left, Motivation really is not about doing, it’s about seeing. Our Authority ever remains our sole impetus for taking any action or making any decision. Motivation simply provides a metric to gauge whether we’re correct or we’re operating from the Not Self. It tells us nothing at all about what we’re supposed to do. Our action will always be directed by spontaneous impulses from the Spleen, the need to buy more time to gain clarity from the Solar Plexus, the “Uh-huh,” or “Nuh-uh” of the Sacral, etc. The Personality Variables (View and Motivation) simply show us the characteristic pathways taken by our Not-Self mind. Recognizing transference engages the mind in helping us to spot the machinations of our undefined centers and conditioning in action.

Which brings me to this “Conditioned” business. It is the Right-facing, receptive Tone of the 5th Color Motivation. Ra describes Rightness as taking others in on a deep level and sensing their fitness for the Penta - the group aura, which in humans will never be conscious. The Guilt Motivation as Conditioner (Left, vs. Conditioned/Right) is correct in focusing on specific problems and their solutions. But again, even on the strategic side, this isn’t about doing but about the feelings of responsibility and sense of empowerment to fix problems. Ra has said the worst thing someone can do with information about Motivation is to use it to try and figure out what to do. It’s why being solid in following Strategy and Authority is so important before engaging the transformations that Variables offer. The first thing my Not Self did with information around my Guilt Motivation is say, “See? It’s up to me figure this all out!”

As 5th Color, we want to recognize our tendency to transfer into wishing things would get better on their own. For the Left/Strategic/Conditioner, their correct feeling-state of Motivation is focused on specific problems and solutions. For the Right/Receptive/Conditioned, though I’m definitely not sticking my head in the sand, I’m just taking it all in. I happen to have a 2nd Color Perspective, which is naturally hopeful. Yet, at the end of the day, in my correct Motivation I must let go of the potential I see in someone once I’ve judged (“judgment” is a 5th Color keyword) them to be… well… hopeless. I’m super uncomfortable with the feelings that come up around this criticality. I’ve spent most of my life in transference, convincing myself (Probability View transference) that the hapless other will some day change (Hope Motivation transference).

My whole life before Human Design was a mess because I wanted so badly to believe in this or that other person. I believed in them way more than I ever believed in myself, even (perhaps especially) when I knew deep down they weren’t correct for me. I’d invest so much in giving them the love and attention I dreamed of for myself, hoping I could one day fix them and they would want to or could reciprocate. To give up Hope feels excruciating.

The “case study” I want to present for exploring the nuances of Personality Variables has to do with a particular student of mine. This Generator student seems addicted to initiating and I’ve felt obligated in my Not Self Manifestor-ness to respond. If you know anything about strategy, you can see the roles here are terribly reversed…! And I can clearly see, when I sit and wonder why they “can’t read the room,” how they could continue their behavior as the class and I visibly squirm, that my Hope transference is in full swing. I’m praying they’ll correct themselves and when they don’t, my undefined Solar Plexus and Root kick things into high gear and I end up throwing myself as a shield between this individual and the prickly feelings of the group to quickly dispel the tension.

I get pulled out of my receptivity into a focus on one particular individual. Anything to make the awkwardness go away…! But, with Guilt Motivation, those uncomfortable feelings are actually how I know I’m correct, in a sense. Those are my feelings to feel; I am meant to sit with the reality of what I’ve discerned about the other on a deep level and allow for the conditioning to take its effect. I’m not acting out of love in smoothing things over and avoiding the truth of the matter. I’m acting out of selfish avoidance. People can’t grow or change when they’re constantly shielded from the natural consequences of their behavior. I genuinely care about each of my students, and this particular person is very talented. I do believe in them. And if I’m going to assist them in living up the potential I’m meant to focus on, if I’m going to maintain my Manifestor Peace and correct Guilt Motivation, I cannot repress and interfere with the conditioning as it’s trying to come out.

I’m working now to stay out of response and in receptivity and let the awkward feelings be what they are. Not in a passive aggressive way, but I’m no longer swooping in to rescue everyone from tension I didn’t create in the first place. Ra talks about the 5th line “setting new standards [and] creating an edge […] that you’re here to bring this judgmental quality to your thinking; you can never afford to hide it […] you’re a right being - when the other is pulling that out of you let the judgment come out…!” (Personality Internal Awareness lecture).

One thing we immediately can recognize about the Not Self when we begin to de-condition is that it hates feeling uncomfortable. It will pressure you in all kinds of ways to side-step feeling or facing anything challenging. But dedicating ourselves to follow our Authority takes courage and a willingness to work through difficulties. Other Not Self people don’t want us to step outside conditioning. It keeps the game going because we all agree to the same toxic, harmful rules. Operating correctly doesn’t mean everyone is suddenly so happy for you and that they approve of your new and improved behavior. In fact, it’s usually quite the opposite!

But it’s the love, the desire to embody my personal mythology to the fullest extent and truly enjoy this movie that drives me to work through the discomfort and challenges. I want the chance to get to be that Role Model. Not the hypocritical 6th Line who throws stones from inside a glass house. Our Motivation works on a trajectory, so before I’m the Conditioned I began as the Conditioner. And earlier in my life I absolutely would manipulate others out of my own agenda. From a more genuine place, I also truly enjoyed hearing about and helping others with their problems.

But to truly play my 6/2 role requires me to cleave to integrity and get out of the weeds of all that strategic “fixing.” When I’m correct in that, I will naturally feel in congruence with the “Conditioning” coming through my Guilt Motivation and not fraudulent or hypocritical as has happened in the past. With my Strategy and Authority in place, I don’t have the same Not Self themes pulling me out of alignment with my own integrity. Recently I told someone, because they were projecting onto someone else and being somewhat nasty: “I respect you too much to allow you to talk like that in front of me.” I know their heart, and with kindness I reflected that they didn’t seem like themself. They pulled out of their spell and said, “You’re right. I think I’m just hurt.” This feels like a clear example of the potential for conditioning that can come from my true Guilt Motivation. It isn’t harsh or unnecessary criticism, but a gentle mirroring back of behavior to create potential for change. It has the energy of, “I love you enough to tell you…”

I hope I’ve given you a glimpse into this deeper layer of the bodygraph. Just because a situation doesn’t feel good to the Not Self, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Only your Authority can tell you what is or isn’t correct for you. All of the profiles, all of the different roles we can play in this life will absolutely require us to experience times of difficulty and discomfort because… that’s growth! Let me tell you, de-conditioning can feel awkward as hell sometimes! But it’s so worth the growing pains.

Until next time,

Leslie